Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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