Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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