If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
