At least make sure they are 18
Why
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
