Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
