There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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