While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
