thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
