Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
