not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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