You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
