my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
