Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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