I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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