I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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