I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
