okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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