Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
