why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
