it hurts more in the daytime
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
