Umm I'm too high to move.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
