I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
