I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
