we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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