considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
