I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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