Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
