I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
