Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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