Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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