Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
