I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
