apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
