I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
