i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
