I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
