forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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