Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
