and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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