I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
