you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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