im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
