I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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