How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
