i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They took my balls.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
