is your mom at the bar?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
