I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Randomize
