he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
