You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
