I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
