You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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