i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
