I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
