I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
