yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
