All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
