my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
