just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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