I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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