you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
