i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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