i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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