I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
